When Rage Is Real And It Lingers Within
Releasing -
Rage lingers within as
someone is being unnecessarily wounded.
That rage comes up for air.
If suppressed, it expands
getting out of control.
A crotchety man mumbling about having to wait in line.
“That blonde bitch”, he blurts out.
But it’s not her fault.
She was just trying to use a gift card.
The cash machine malfunctioned.
Jerk.
I envision kicking his ass.
It’s not worth my time.
His backstory is unknown.
However, there is always one, two, or many.
I let it go.
Everyday Occurrences of Rage
On one of my infrequent trips to Costco, a person was brushing her teeth in the Costco women’s restroom. She had several bags with her and appeared a bit disheveled. That was my quick observation. As I was walking out of the restroom, a woman angrily marched out to get a manager. Several Costco employees came walking briskly past me.
I thought to myself, “Angry Woman” tattling on the “Disheveled Woman with Bags”.
I have little doubt Angry Woman felt her individual or family safety was in jeopardy. Making assumptions and muttering accusations about the person using the Costco bathroom as a personal space to clean up. I don’t know the story of the “Disheveled Woman with Bags”. Was she homeless, maybe? Had she been working all day and was simply changing clothes and cleaning up? Was she suffering from some kind of trauma or mental health event and needed to be out of the public sphere?
It doesn’t matter.
What matters is this individual was not bothering anyone. On the other hand, Angry Woman was disrupting everyone’s experience and puffing herself up by taking action based on her own false assumptions. Pretending she was some kind of hero saving others from an imminent threat. Creating chaos where there was none. All because she had fear in her heart, which bubbled up into rage and irrational anger toward an innocent human being.
People like this make me want to smack them upside the head and shout, “Wake up, you fool, no one is threatening you here. Get a life.” I stepped aside knowing the Costco employees would handle the situation appropriately.
I have written about my own internal rage, how and why it resurfaces from time to time. Especially when someone I know is being targeted or deeply wounded by the actions of another human for no apparent reason.
My empathetic nature is fueled by a bit of ego. Those feelings of insecurity stem from my inability to prevent all the wounds. My ego is not realizing that I’m not a savior to all. Secondly, exercising some faith that those targeted can rise to the occasion or ask for help. Thirdly, the perpetrator may or may not get theirs somewhere down the road.
Karma comes around, eventually.
We all know how difficult it is to tamp down our ego. With enough personal experience and faith in ourselves and others, it’s possible.
Sharing the rage we experience is another way to release it. Through art, words, music, activism, and other means, we can connect with others who may have had similar experiences. Anger experienced is real. A piece of advice a therapist once gave me. The key is to channel that emotion, or it will come back one hundredfold.
We know this through the daily barrage of extreme rage-induced acts, such as mass shootings, physical abuse, rape, and other crimes of sheer fear-fueled desperation.
As a realist, I can see and feel that many people are walking around with a certain amount of harbored rage. It’s on their “blank stare” or “frown” faces, as well as in the way they hold their posture. We can hear it in the way people talk and through the tone of their voices.
I channel my own passive-aggressive rage through internalized pain, slamming doors, stomping down halls, driving erratically, shouting at inanimate objects, yelling at myself for something stupid I did, or flipping off some California maniac driver who cut in front of me on Interstate 5.
Thankfully, I rarely engage in these channels much anymore, except maybe flipping off an occasional California driver.
Fortunately, many of us seek outlets that help us let go of this rage. And I don’t mean denial, or drowning ourselves in alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, etc. Those are surface treatments that do nothing to move the rage from within to the realities of our lives.
I use written words and visual art to bring my rage to the surface. When working through this process, there is an explosive use of brushstrokes across the canvas. Somewhat wild and seemingly uncontrolled at first.
Just as if I were yelling at the curmudgeon in the grocery store for being such a jerk. That initial release of emotion is both exhilarating and liberating. Funny thing is, if I did yell at the grocery store guy, I may feel an initial rush, but it wouldn’t last. Plus, I would make a spectacle of myself, which is not my style.
As the nuances of my emotions or subconscious reveal themselves on the canvas, the imagery will often take on a softer range of subtle strokes, textures and tones. This is what happens when I don't respond angrily, but instead choose to take a breath and remove myself from the situation.
When completing the work on canvas, there is a definite feeling of letting go—a total release.
My writing process is similar. I free-write using a stream-of-consciousness approach, with run-on sentence structure, to get it all out there without too much judgment. Then going back, rearranging, subtracting, adding, refining, and minimizing to get to the crux of what it is I want and need to say. Once again, a sense of relief and release as I push that publish button.
I admit to holding grudges against people who have wronged me or anyone I care about. What I attempt to do now is put myself in their shoes, or at least admit they must have a backstory. One that might explain what prompted their actions. But often, like the man who shouted “blond bitch” to the woman in the store, I will never know that story. Instead, those are fleeting moments meant to awaken us to everyday realities.
I must learn to accept the unknowns and move on. What becomes essential to letting go or moving on from these grudges is remembering that our time on earth is fleeting.
Good old-fashioned advice: Reap what you sow.
Image: Navigating The Shadows, acrylic on canvas
This piece depicts and was inspired by the never-ending navigation of my past, present, and future self (shadows). We can all choose to meet those shadows head-on, dodge them, go around or under them. Ultimately, it is our choice, and it will set the tone for our daily existence.
You’re so right.
Anger and rage are a real thing.
It can be frightening!!
It’s hard to remain calm when you see/hear it aimed at yourself or at others.
Even more difficult to step back and wonder what that persons story is. We all have one.
The phrase, ‘hurt people, hurt people’ is ironically true!! If only the hurt people could see and address their (our) own hurts!! We’d all be better, kinder, more caring and forgiving people!!