Connection - A Personal Shift in the Paradigm
Connection/Connect — to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind. To establish communication between; put in communication. To associate mentally or emotionally. To be in harmony with another person, one’s work, etc.
During this unusual time in our history, when maintaining physical distance is crucial for safety and health, I have found myself contemplating what it means to connect or be connected—a re-examination of sorts. And honestly, this is a re-examination that has been long overdue, not just because of a global pandemic.
Why is there a need to be physically near someone to connect with them? Are we remiss regarding other means of connection? Is it too exhausting to explore other meaningful ways to make connections? Are we lacking confidence or mental capacity to explore deeper avenues of communication and connection?
Human beings often go to great lengths, and sometimes under dire circumstances, to be physically with loved ones. Our behaviors are based on the fear of being alone and/or never seeing our loved ones again. I get that.
But what if we are unable to be with someone physically for a myriad of reasons?
Human Connection Redefined?
Most of us have grown up believing that being physically present with a person is what sustains the relationship, that bond. What about the awareness of someone’s energy when you are not in their presence?
What about memories and the strong internal sensitivities we have regarding those in our circle of family and friends? Those are connections that are worth nurturing and developing.
I often think about the spiritual effect of those no longer physically present on this earth. Their “soul being” continues through the spiritual energies they leave behind, which we can tap into. Allowing those energies exposure, connections will arise in unexpected places and often when they are most needed. The universe has unique means by which to expose those energy and harmonic bonds.
Feeling the presence of loved ones through memories I store in my conscious and subconscious mind is a gift I cherish and one that we can all bridge. The influence those memories have on my life becomes more evident as distance and time expand. Metaphysical energies have a great deal of power and can give us strength beyond any attachment to physical presence.
Connection — Mother/Daughter Bond
My daughter came to live with us after having exhausted her resources and was continuing to struggle with her substance use disorder during the pandemic.
I knew, intuitively, she needed to come home.
When someone would ask why my daughter was not living at home with us, I would say, “She is better off with her tribe, surrounded by therapists, behavior techs, psychiatrists, sober living companions, and the multitude of rehab resources at her disposal. They have the expertise.”
However, my heart was telling me that when the conversation came up in July 2020, returning to her foundation and her family was the next step in moving forward. The energy my daughter and I had been exchanging most of last year led us both to come to the unspoken conclusion that it was time to heal in a place where there was unconditional love and support. At first, it was a needed physical connection, but it became so much more.
Connections Lost
During the past 6 years, when most of our connections involved texting and abrupt phone calls, the mother/daughter bond was not a pleasant or a truly loving one. The only times I was in her presence were when needing to go to rehab, retrieving her smashed car, moving her from one place to another, or as an invitation from her therapists to meet and discuss her recovery—rarely gratifying or joy-filled visits.
I was always ready and willing to see her, to get a glimpse of her face, to hug her. Unfortunately, we were using each other without directly realizing it. I was playing the role of her personal chauffeur and shopping companion, while she was satisfying my often frail contribution to her well-being. The mother-daughter bond was slowly transforming into something terribly flawed, superficial, and self-serving.
It was becoming a “survival/rescue connection”, one that cannot sustain itself in any authentic way.
Our true connection was getting lost, that is, until we both opened up to other means of bonding. This did not happen overnight.
The mother-daughter connection can be so powerful, but all too often, the constant noise of the outside world telling us how it should be closes our eyes to what was/is real and usually what was/is right in front of us, leaving in its wake only fragments of what could be.
Connection: Nature’s Energy
Since moving to Oregon, I have rediscovered nature with a stronger intention.
Walking in the woods and breathing in the energy exuding from every living thing that surrounds me continues to inspire my being. The water, dirt, grass, plants, tree, birds, insects, air, sky, and animals all have an energy that is constant, regenerative and ever present.
When my daughter lived with us, she also began to form more deliberate connections with nature. She and I walked our dogs every morning. Sometimes we would spend the time talking about discoveries she was making in her re-awakened life. Other times, we just walked, soaking up what nature had to offer.
What my daughter’s memory continues to bring forth each day, now that she is awakening to a world free of chemicals, is nothing short of astonishing. Nature’s energies and a desire to connect with those forces led to her authentic transformation. I benefited from both observing and participating in that transformation.
The fresh air invigorated our senses, both individually and collectively. As time passed and she moved away, our conversations have deepened. The energy we were and continue to manifest does not need proximity to spawn and grow.
Connection: Being in Harmony
As an artist, I am quite familiar with the concept of working and being alone. I find great comfort in being able to focus on my work without too many distractions. My connections are with the work created in my studio. The pandemic has not altered my basic routine or mindset. Instead, I find myself delving even deeper into what it means to connect. Having my daughter home for those few months prompted me to move that process to the forefront.
From the definitions I listed above, I choose being in harmony as the best way to describe connection.
We can be in sync with one another even when we are not physically together. It does take work and digging deep within ourselves to make this possible. As humans, we enjoy the mobility and freedom to roam at our own free will physically. Making connections in non-physical means is an uncomfortable alternative and indeed uncharted territory for many.
What my daughter has been through the past ten years, along with how I have struggled, oftentimes helplessly on the sidelines, is what has brought us to this place. A place of connection through our shared energies and experiences where everything is laid bare for the sake of harmony, the good, the bad, and the ugly. In crises, opportunities will and do arise.
Image: Emerging from Turbulence
“ Emerging from Turbulence “, acrylic on canvas, 50″ x 46”. I chose this painting to accompany my blog because of its title and the creative path the piece took. Out of the darkness, there is light if you are willing and able to see it. I painted this piece as the year 2020 was unfolding. What is unique about this work is that I chose to paint over a piece I did over 20 years ago. It was time for that piece to be repurposed, regenerated, reimagined. Just as the year 2020 forced us all to rethink what is essential and foundational to our lives. To reimagine what the essence of connection really means.